On Being Sober.

It’s been over six months since I sipped my last glass of wine. Before this, having a glass (or two) of wine had become a nightly thing. 

I didn’t consider myself an alcoholic. It was just my treat at end of the day. Every day. 

Within the same week two big factors led to quitting: I started a new medication which has very negative side effects associated with drinking alcohol. And I learned from my sister about a family history of depression and alcohol-related-deaths on both sides of my parents: both my maternal grandparents died at a young age (thirties) from the effects of alcoholism and my mother was left an orphan as a toddler because of it. My father was an alcoholic and has a history of mental illness and suicide attempts, and while my mother never drank, she also has a history of depression and mental illness. 

Sitting under the weight of all this information made ever taking another sip of alcohol an obvious bad choice. But it hasn’t been easy. I’d like to say I don’t miss drinking, but I do. A glass of red wine at the end of a long day was my “self-care”. Sipping away during dinner prep was my reward for being a decent mom all day long. A glass of chilled white wine was my way of relaxing during summer afternoons. I liked the way it made me loosen up and not be so uptight. When I drank wine, it felt like taking a little vacation from myself.

Did I have a ‘problem’ with drinking? No. Maybe. When a glass or two on the weekend became a glass after a “really rough day”, which became a glass or two every evening, it does seem like something that should be addressed. And so I’m thankful for the two events that popped up that week back in December that gave me a reason to quit for good.

Since I’ve stopped drinking, I’ve become aware that alcohol culture is everywhere. Just a quick browse through graphic tee’s on Target’s website shows ten shirts with phrases like “Mama needs wine” and “Stars stripes cocktails”. It’s almost a given in our culture that if you have kids, you have to drink wine. On a recent Facebook post where a mom was asking for help managing a new family of seven, one mom suggested drinking wine with dinner prep, kinda like I used to. Moms post pictures on Facebook of yet another one of their kids’ “funny” drawings depicting her with a wineglass in her hand with the caption “Mommy likes to drink”.

Ultimately it comes down to the fact that I have way too much to lose to risk drinking alcohol ever again. Six beautiful children to call mine and a good husband. My family is so precious to me. This life given to me by God is such a gift. To risk harming this gift over drinking is simply not an option any more.